I'm worried I'll become an alcoholic at 24

I got drunk for the first time when I was 16 in Germany, and I will never forget that experience. I will always remember telling everyone how "amazing" I was feeling.

That was a long time ago. I've loved to find excuses to drink ever since, but due to a busy schedule and not having a lot of money I was never able to drink a lot of alcohol, only on those special occasions. But it feels AMAZING. I've tried other drugs - MJ and MDMA - but my anxiety goes through the roof when I try those things, so I avoid them.

Alcohol is truly the only thing that REALLY calms me down. Not only does it calm me down - I feel so confident, so secure... in every way. I prefer to have sex when I drink, because I feel more turned on due to higher self esteem. My heart doesn't pound in my chest, I don't overthink life. It's just pure bliss.

I'm now here, on a regular Monday evening, having a few glasses of wine because my exams and obligations are stressing me out. I just feel 100 times better. I'm relaxed now.

I'm scared this relationship with alcohol will worsen with age. Like I said, it's the only thing that truly calms me down and I just feel like I love myself more with some liquid courage.