Why is it so hard for a man to say "No, I can't" ? (No advice wanted)

I feel like I'm dying right now.

It's like every voice that doesn't come from my own crisis only serves to berate me, to boo me.

I find it very difficult not to believe that the only purpose of strangers in the media, of teachers, coworkers, family members and acquaintances, is to shout while pointing at who I should be or who I should have been.

Is that all I am? An example of everything that the accomplished man must avoid? A fucking pamphlet that you throw away once you read it?! A fucking leper that you spit on in the street for, according to you, allowing himself to waste away?!

I am so sick of the "well-intentioned" people, whose proposed solution is that I should just skip over the negative and climb to the top. So, should I withdraw from the world while covering my ears in a corner, waiting for night to come so I can go to sleep?

I'm not the man I wanted to be.

I can't be the man I want to be, and I've never been able to decide what kind of man I want to be. And if that man doesn't exist, then at least let me be a man and that's it.

Let me be finite, please!

How can you praise so much something that you don't want to define?!

You don't know what it's like to have nothing of your own, because everything in the world belongs to the man who could, and not to the man who tried.

I wish that thinking about giving up didn't make me the heretic of the moment, but a person who just wants to be able to cry every day until I forget what the problem was, and to get to my turn on time.