Holding on to scraps

Sitting in my car alone. No family to speak of. Mom murdered at age 6. Dad a 40 yr old some alcoholic still living with his mom. I'm 29 now, my only brother is 30. He still speaks to my dad, who I let go at 19 when I poured my heart out to him on a phone call as a last resort to heal my sorrow for lack of parents and all I got was belligerent grumbling, solidifying his chronic drinking.

Grandma was socially absent even while living in her custody growing up. She let her son (my uncle) bully and beat me, her daughter (my aunt) copied her behaviors and criticized me and berated me as a kid. And now my grandma floats around after everyone moved out, because no one wants to take care of her. My brother helps with funding to keep her afloat, as she has never worked a day in her life, cruising off marrying my step-grandpa for the house, so her social security is very little. My brother sought her out, not me. So im only being nice around her to keep the vibes calm between me and my brother.

I let those people go a long time ago. But now they're only back in our life because my brother is trying to hold together scraps of what is left of a family. And i dont blame him for it. But its also sad to see. Even then, my dad still makes excuses not to to hang with my brother. Idk how to feel about all of it. But my family in life have always been my friends. Not like i have any other choice. True loneliness. I only love my brother. Even still we dont always talk or hang out. I want to bite my steering wherl and idk...destroy i guess. Im out of tears years ago. Just indifferent now. Idk.