Where do we go from here?

My husband and I have been together for 11 years and married for 9. In the beginning when we met we spoke and got to know each other over the phone and then he ghosted me. I didn’t know what happened and so I briefly talked to another guy and we had sex but not because I wanted to (long story but there is trauma there). After that situation I reached back out to my now husband and we reconnected and started talking again and began dating. After a few months of being together he asked me if I had been with anyone during that time we were talking and I told him yes but didn’t tell him the whole story. That upset him and he told me he would never look at me the same sexually but we continued on. We got married but the situation would always come up about me being with someone in between. Every time he would bring it up he would ask me For details and I would tell him and he would get pissed and it would be a whole large argument. Cut to 9 years later and I finally got the full story out every detail (I don’t understand why he cares but he says he is a very jealous and possessive person) but now he says he can never look at me the same and I’m stupid for letting it happen or stupid for being so naive and doesn’t morally look at me the same. We have 3 kids but he wants to stay in the marriage just for them because sexually he can’t be intimate with me without intrusive thoughts coming to him about that situation. He thinks I withheld details but I didn’t. I was traumatized and didn’t want to talk About it which he can’t understand. I finally told him everything in hopes of getting it all out in the open and hopefully being done but it had the opposite effect.

Am I stupid to stay? I know I am but I think there is a part of me that hopes he will move past it but he says he won’t. ( historically he has moved past it but then like every four months it comes back up). I know I sound stupid but I love him and want to make it work because when things are good they are amazing.