What even was 2024?

2024 has been one hell of a year...almost literally. I used to think, before this year, that God knows where the rest stops are. Because whenever things were tough and I had to endure, I knew I would only have to endure for a little while and soon there would be a reprieve - a green pasture to lay down in. I knew God was leading me to still waters. When I thought I couldn't take any more, it would ease, or stop, and I would rest.

Not so for 2024.

Where there should have been joy and peace and rest, there was instead more to endure. I would look forward to something or count down to something believing if I could just reach it, the hard stuff would ease. But every time I reached it, there was continued hardship instead. Instead of the burdens getting lighter, I was forced to get tougher. I guess I learned to breathe under the water this year.

I was so looking forward to Christmas. I love Christmas day. But in true 2024 form, I won't get to enjoy that either. Instead of delighting in it, I'll be worrying. No rest.

At some point you just run out of feelings. As I looked around my house and thought of past Christmases and all the preparations I would usually be making now, I accepted that it's not possible this year. And that's ok, because maybe 2024 Christmas is not going to be a copy of all the others. It's a Christmas of its own. It's going to be distinctly 2024. The house will still be a mess, the dishes will not be done. This has been a year of taking all my expectations and halving them. And that's ok!

2024 felt like constant failure but was actually reconstruction. Things get torn down to be rebuilt stronger and better.

2025 I will get me back. I'll smile again from the heart and actually feel feelings again. It'll be lighter.

But 2024 will not end without a fight, still gripping us with it's sharp claws and giving us one final violent shake. We're almost there. We'll cross the line at new year's even if we have to drag ourselves across it. 2025 is waiting for us.

Merry Christmas everyone.