something happened, then it happened. did it really happen?

i'm an average 19 year old, but i use to hang out with older people, since i and many other people find me more mature than others in my age group. so, i was doing narcotics with older people. an unusual weekend that seemed like the other weekends. except it wasn't. we were staying at a friend's place spending time, until something happened. someone who lived there came inside while my friend made the lines straight on a plate, and then i had a feeling to fight for justice, for someone who was quite in a situation like me, who was our host. not having any energy throughout the day and not feeling like talking or listening to anyone. just getting over it with enough sleep. the neighbour, who brought the host's mom for help, was not understanding of the situation, the mother didn't understand anything. why is this happening to his son? why does he live like this? how could he get help? why does he put himself in a situation like this? i tried to be as clear as possible, although the neighbour felt like an antiprotagonist, who's intention was to kick him out for distrupting the peace of several families. which was not our fault to be honest. we were guests. i knew nothing for the first time being there. then, after our friend finished something around the house as a helping hand, we got to move. then i realised i've been there before. i remembered crying on the tram going home, that a man i was with in that house is no longer available to me. then i forgot everything about it, until i remembered him again. like it was the first time, but i can change the outcome. i tried, than we ended up in a place where it was the same as it was. he sits next front of me, and it feels like two worlds colliding together, what is reality? isn't he dead?? when did i meet him for the first time? was it the first time? everytime i think about it, it doesn't feel real, nor has any answers to it. am i alive? i remember on our way home, we stopped by a bar. i was alone at first, now i have people to go with? i can't get this out of my head. it just doesn't make sense.