Self soothing

I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that my entire lesson in this life and in the last 20 years has been learning how to self soothe and take care of myself and do things for myself that others would not do for me when they should have. Ie.) My mom.

I suffered such intense, emotional abuse as a child by the narcissistic and unbalanced traits of my mother that I have been carrying around with me for my whole life. I’m so sick of self soothing. Why do people withhold the truth within their heart? If you have affection for someone, SHOW IT. If you fallen out of love with someone, TELL THEM.

I’ve been forced to live a lie in relationships so many times and at this point, the fawn response is all that I know. I’m so sick of my lesson being to self sooth. JUST F-ing GIVE ME WHAT I DESERVE.

It’s literally my birthright to be attractive, talented, and a natural leader and adored by others. So why instead do I receive the cold shoulder? Forced into isolation. I hate everybody.