My life is messy

Life Update: 37, Male, London This year has been a complex mix of achievements and difficulties. I successfully completed three sets of exams for a master's degree in allied healthcare. I also traveled to Singapore and Indonesia for three weeks, experiencing activities such as paragliding, sailing, and swimming with sharks.

Family life remains a significant aspect of my life. I organized a camping and hiking trip to Wales with my children - my eldest son (15), my middle son (13), and my daughter (7). My eldest applied to Eton; while he did not receive the scholarship, he is predicted to achieve high marks. My youngest has made considerable improvements in his academic performance. My daughter continues to be a source of joy and motivation. My relationship with my ex-wife is amicable, and we will spent Christmas together,

However, there have been challenges. My car was written off in an accident, and my relationship with my ex-girlfriend ended in September following a period of volatility and some instances of physical altercation. The breakup also resulted in the loss of the dog, a beautiful well-trained working cocker spaniel, she gets to keep him.

Professionally, I have maintained consistent locum work, but this has impacted my motivation for studying. My expenses have increased, although the car insurance payout provided some financial relief.

My relationship with my younger brother has been strained this year. He discovered a past mistake I made, something I deeply regret and am ashamed of. This led to a nine-month period of no contact, a silence that has been difficult to navigate. He has recently expressed a desire to reconnect, but I am apprehensive about how this will affect our relationship moving forward. I fear he will view me differently, despite the fact that I have changed significantly since then.

I secured a well-paying practice placement for my master's program. However, I have experienced an increase in unhealthy coping mechanisms, including a worsening porn addiction and increased reliance on cocaine and alcohol.

My debt remains at approximately £4000. I aim to pay this off following a planned trip to the US in 2025, pending visa approval, which may be affected by my criminal record (historical assault charges and cautions).

Currently, I reside in shared accommodation in London. This presents its own set of challenges, particularly with regards to sleeping arrangements. I have one large room, which I share with my daughter when she stays. She sleeps in my bed, while my sons, when they visit every other weekend and during holidays, have to make do with a sofa bed. This situation is far from ideal, lacking privacy and comfort, especially as they get older. It's a constant reminder of my financial limitations and the need to find a more suitable living situation.

I have no pension.

I have engaged in casual sexual relationships, including a threesome, and one woman has expressed romantic feelings.

My relationship with my mother is strained due to unresolved childhood issues. My uncle has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I have dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADHD, and moderate depressn.

I am seeking objective perspectives on my current life situation and suggestions for improvement.