Misery

I feel like I live in a walking nightmare sometimes , couple yrs ago me & my husband spilt due to him cheating. While cheating he was going to club and on trips and well I was at home taking care of my kids trying to cope with the fact he did what he did.. as of now we have made amends and are back together and I wouldn’t change it. It just that events are coming up and I don’t know how to plan or where to go cause idk where he has been and he’s no help he just says he doesn’t care. I admit that I still have trauma, looking back on my past make me cry cause at the time back then ik I just didn’t want to believe it.