1 week ago
6
Hi All. I'm a 31 yo female. Indian. Studied hard all my life, graduated from the topmost universities in the country(btech, mba).post mba started working as a pm. Since 2020, I have seen multiple layoffs(4 including furlough) while working at Indian startups . Everytime I was able to find a job. I believe I'm a smart, intelligent, kind hearted girl. I might be a bit naive though. Have had multiple relationships in life which didnt convert into marriage. At this point I've been jobless for the past 1.5 years with a short 4 month job in between with a startup. And I am repeatedly stuck in a cycle of getting attached and detached with guys. 6 back to back such failed attempts at relationship/ marriage happened. The most recent one was recently where I connected with the guy through hinge. We texted, he went through surgery so I wanted it out to meet him. We felt we both really love each other a lot. We met,stayed for 4 days together as he flew to meet me. We had sex, but things went downhill although he made me feel he did like me during that time. And I felt I'm falling in love as he was already making travel plans. The moment he left my city, he grew distant 😔 after repeated attempts at asking, reaching out , and he being busy and not feeling good health wise, he wrote a long msg saying he doesn't think it would work out between us. And I've been chasing him for a conversation to resolve misunderstandings as we met only once and he's been avoiding that. I thought he's a perfect guy and I so badly want him. But he's been ignoring me. At this point, I think I have lost all the motivation to do anything in life. My attempts at searching for a product role have failed and I'm just in the middle of extreme hopelessness that I have stopped searching for a job since last couple of months because I feel no matter what I'm doing I'm failing 😓 I feel I have given up . I was trying to fulfill the void and lack of ambition and motivation and the feeling of not doing nothing by Atleast trying to sort my love life and really wanting to get married and I'm failing at that miserably. At this point , I just don't have any will to live this life without love and without purpose or without having a job/ambition. There's so much love I have to give within me but I'm unable to find the right person who's ready to reciprocate the same. I don't even feel like living at this point of time. I do have some amount of savings . I doubt myself, criticise myself for not being good enough. For not having the best social skills, for not being the most cheerful person, for being filled with so much negativity. I want to get out of this but I guess I don't want to do the work or shall I say I don't have any motivation to do so. I always thrive when I'm in a healthy relationship. But when I'm not, I've always found myself searching for someone. I just don't have the willpower to motivate myself. I'm just sitting on my bed the entire day waiting for this guy to reply me as he told me he will speak to me over a call but that hasn't been happening. I just don't have any drive left within me or even any motivation. I feel my career is over and I will never find love. Am I the unluckiest person to go through so many layoffs, related heartbreaks. I think I'm just cursing my existence and have no will to live😢
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