I need words of encouragement or maybe some advice. I feel alone.

My entire life I’ve felt alone. To put it simply, I’ll just say that I didn’t grow up in a very affectionate home. Parents always had their own relationship problems so they didn’t really pay attention to me and my brothers. I wasn’t taught how to talk about things or comforted or none of that loving/nurturing bs lol. Basically just was unintentionally taught to be quiet and push down the things that were tough to deal with.

I say all that because I believe it’s the reason I’ve never been able to keep people in my life. Like friends or even family. I mean, there’s a lot more to it, but I think this plays a big role.

Anyway, as I’ve gotten a little older (I’m 23 now) I’ve learned how to be a bit more vulnerable in relationships. However, even despite learning this, I still feel extremely alone. I’ve realized that most of my relationships seem to just be one sided. I provide a listening ear and strong shoulder for others to lean on, but I never feel I’ve received that in return. Even with my last romantic relationship I was in (which also happens to be the only one I’ve ever been in). I’m afraid that I’ll live my whole life like this and that eventually I’ll die with no one I really feel is a true friend/closest confidant/shoulder to lean on/life partner and blah blah blah.

There seems to be so many times where I’ve just lost people. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’m too much but also not enough. Anyways, sorry if this is a rambling mess, but can anyone tell me what to do?