I need help and advice what to do and how? 💔

I am not fine, I feel lost, sad, and I can't cry despite that I need to. Everything sucks: the school, no friends, the mood, the life. I am fed up. I don't want to feel that way again. The other students are better than me. I work hard in some subjects, but the results are worse than I think, and I have another big problem. I am 1bac science math, but I am scared of them. I feel fear and lame, so I ignore those subjects—math, physics—until the day before the exam, so my results are bad. And I know that if I work from the beginning, this won't happen at all.

It is not a simple problem though. I have had it from childhood, in primary school. I thought that I am just too lazy to save my future, but now I know my problem, and my connection with Allah is not the best thing. I know, I know, maybe that's the cause of the problem, but I can't help it. I did try many times to come back and I ask for forgiveness, and I feel relief and comfort, but always I lose.

I need a routine, a program for everything, but I don't know how to make it, and even if I did, no passion to do it, because I don't have an objective. And that's an old problem that I didn't find a solution for. All I know is that I need help, and I am not fine.

(Sorry for your time if you read this, and sorry for any typing mistakes.)