How my old crush hit my emotions harder than ever

No, I am not a creep after a high age gap relationship, this is the story of how I met again the girl ive had the biggest crush on since, well forever. Hence, I will be going through my feelings, what developed throughout this summer and what I reflect might happen in the future. For some context, I live in Norway the majority of the year only traveling to Spain during summer and christmas holidays to visit family and spend time with long lasting friends.

Thanks to them, pushing me to become a more open and extroverted person I went on a few local parties to search for the other half that was missing in my life, someone to deliberate on life, talk, laugh and do all of the things couples do I guess. It went well, I met a lot of great people but nothing really came out of this summer adventure. Partially to my honest personality, no one really likes to date long distance I guess, as obviously I was very clear that I live in Norway. Although I do not regret making unforgettable memories with my best friends, creating stories to talk with to my future family.

One girl hit me the hardest- I met her a couple of years back, thanks to some female friends I had connections with. I was another person back there, shy, sluggish and introverted (still a bit to be fair). Even back then, she didnt care about my defects, probably what made me get this ridicolously loving impression of her that, I might remember forever. Fast forward to this year, and I saw her at a local party. She was there, looking at a new me, hopefully renewed and better. Although she kept looking at me, trying to recgonize who I was, I didnt dare to approach her at first

Without me needing to say a word. Somehow, this girl, with her cranky voice, amazing style, adorable personality and extroversy cared and remembered me. Lucky for me I asked her out on a date within some days, we went on some carnival rides at one point holding our hands for dear life. It made me warm up, only to be hit with her telling me that a friend of hers liked me. How ironic, such a horrible curse, needing to decide wether you want to leave behind your feelings for the person that means the most to you in the whole word, or being honest and risking everything. I chose the latter,

I didnt do it maybe in the best way, as I threw an indirect sort of flirt line which made the whole group freak out, I managed to soften the blow. After talking to this girl alone I was honest, that I felt we could grow something together, how I felt a connection. What was the final blow of sadness for me was how she opened up about her mental health struggles, and although we might meet up during this xmas holidays, I am stressed out for everything. Do I deserve her? Am I a horrible person? Could I have done something different? I cannot change the feelings I have for this person, I knew I had to be honest with her. I pray that god has mercy on me, I pray something beautiful happens, I pray she recovers.

TLTR; I meet an old crush after some years, we go on a date, hold hands and talk for a while, she tells me that her friend likes me. I decide to be honest with her and now my feelings are stronger than ever, yet I am afraid for a denial, after so much story.