How do i know if something is meant for me.

So i really need advice from people with some life experience and real knowledge not just woo woo internet quote stuffs.

I am 20 and theres somethings that i have alwayssss wanted in my life and in my soul i knew i will make it happen and i will have it no matter what ( i would not like to way what it is)

So last year around same time i prayed really from my heart for this thing to happen and it did like it was 80 % of what i asked. Wasnt shocked bc i knew it would happen i had faith. But ever since then i have faced so many problems it kept slipping through my fingers i wasnt holding on to it for my dear life but sometimes i was lucky sometimes i was not and it happened million times. BUT THIS THING MADE ME DO A 180 i completelyyyy changed as a person in the best way possible i feel like it also made me connect to the real me who i was supposed to be and i dont think that i would have put it that much effort for anything else in my life i like to give up and move forward. Even though i faced many blockages and setbacks everytime EVERYTIME i came back way better than before.

As someone who has always been in a lack of self confidence, self love, having crippling anxiety, and hard time building trust in people because of the way i was raised i have these deep rooted beliefs that i dont know if i can get good things in my life. Sometimes i would feel good because things went wrong and i was suffering bc my mind was familiar with suffering thats how i was raised and something better even though this is only thing i ever want in my life but the unknown, new things always seem like ⚠️ danger⚠️. What if smthng goes wrong I need to protect myself If i dont get it after putting in effort its a forever disappointment in myself Biggest thing ill prove everyone right that who made me feel unworthy.

I think these beliefs pushed it away everytime because u cannot outsmart a belief system u always get what u are not what u want its a universal law. And u are what u believe u are.

♥️ IMPORTANT THING♥️

I asked god for signs many times always positive Once i prayed and right after i asked if it for me let me see it and right after that i went and opened my phone and saw an email i will never forget that. I tried to give up few times like i decided if its not for me i cant do anything and then it kept coming back but still i would lose it. It literally FORCED ME out of my weak self and made me strongest and better than i have ever imagined COMPLETELY got rid of my anxiety bc of it. Because i wanted to better myself. ( I had crippling anxiety i didnt sleep at night for 6 years i would let my eyes and body get tired and they would turn off then on their own). I fought the biggest battle of my life with someone so close to me because i had this thing to look forward to. If i imagine myself without it doesnt seem right to me i feel uneasy in my heart, when i imagine myself with it i feel aligned i feel good even though right now im in the worst place.

The thing right now is i have had to sooo many setbacks in this journey like iam getting everything BUT THIS THING everytime i think this is the time i fell on my face really hard. And this time i really got slapped in the face and the door i never thought would close on me it happened. I feel like im running behing something that doesnt want me but i want it so bad to happen in my life. U know someone who has a piece of meat in the hand and im just a dog chasing and chasing and chasing. It slipped away too many times that now im skeptical if this is the right direction. But then again thought come into my mind like i cant think of anything other than this, even after all this going on for over a year i still cant pull my heart back even tho i got rejected wayyyy to many times. Its a war inside me now my heart dont wanna give up but my ego says that i need to let it go ive been disrespected enough for my pure feelings.

I KNOW its long but i really need help. Much love ♥️♥️♥️♥️