Dead man walking

29 soon and lost all motivation or love for life. "Only 28" but feel like a 80 year old. So tired so numb.. Haven't done anything with my life or anything to look back on. I spend all days on a screen. I'm a self destruct and do things that only hurt me. Dropped of out high school because of motivation and just haven't ever functioned socially. No real friends or more to speak of in my life and my family is dysfunctional. I know I won't ever have a connection with anyone so I turn to porn and been so for 10 years but it only made me hate myself more.. I feel disgusted but my brain is so messed up that I turn to what I'm used to.. I am so tired and have no spark left. I am always looking for some hope. I've tried to self improve, go outside. It does nothing for me. Every day is the same and I am getting really tired of the thinking to have to do this for another 40 years.. How do you guys cope with knowing you have to wake up and do it again for such a long time. It is a terrifying thought for me..

Sorry for the doom post but my lifes really been a living nightmare and as I'm approaching 30's I never really found the secret how to live..