Am I doing the right thing taking on a woman with 4 kids?

Ages 10, 9, 5 and 2. All boys with no dads...

I used to be a Dad but my son is no longer with me.. (A massive vulnerability of mine)

When I met this woman 2 years ago,, she and I connected so well.. from day 1 there was chemistry.. The boys absolutely adore me and she is proud of how I present myself as a father to them.

The youngest calls me Dad.

But I don't feel like a Dad.. After two years she still won't allow me to move in.. I live 26 miles away and I work a lot.

I am willing to move in with her and find a new job closer so I can be more involved but she always dismisses the idea.. She has PTSD from her previous relationships stopping her from me moving in.. She is on anti depressants aswell. She is a very challenging woman and can be quite evil at times but when she is her normal self she is just amazing and I've never felt love like it. But it's few and far between I get this..

I only see them 1-3 times a week if I'm lucky. Sometimes not at all if she's got a bad head. So the stability and consistency is non existent and I have tried to explain how important that is. Not only for a relationship but for children.

I just get called needy.

She is also 8 months pregnant with my child, a girl.

She is a control freak and I get why because of how independent she is.. But because she won't allow me to move in. She doesn't want a relationship anymore due to my "expectations being too needy" her words.

Do I continue to commit myself to these boys when I have no freedom or say in their lives.. I'm the closest thing they've had for a dad and she knows this.

But if I'm not allowed to move in at all.. Is that okay?

Christmas for example. I'm planning on giving her £1000 next week for the boys and herself because I've saved up for it and it is my responsibility to provide (in my mind)

But why should I when she doesn't want a relationship anymore and doesn't entertain the thought of us being normall happy family.

She pushes me out all the time but then pulls me back. This has happened countless times, I always come back to her because of the boys and I promised them I would never leave.

But this whole situation is messing my head up and I don't know what to do anymore. I have my own girl on the way and I am so excited but when we conceived her.. We planned on me moving in and being a family, but since she got pregnant she has changed her mind about everything we had planned.