Why must I take on the role of observer?

I have never had a real relationship. I have never had a real job. I have never felt like I truly belong. It's not like I don't want to experience what other people do, it's just I never get the opportunity, I guess. Usually, I don't bring up being the observer, I just take my midnight walks and ponder where I went wrong, why people never seem to stay in my life. I can't say it's all bad either, because being the observer allows me to connect with nature on a deeper level, and everything I feel is more intense in general. But also, being the observer brings with it intense loneliness, and existential dread too. What if, despire my best efforts to be a decent human being, I still never find happiness? What if, I never experience romantic love? What if, I never truly lived as a human being? These are things that keep me up at night, and that's why I'm reaching out to you, Redditors. For those who are also observers, how do you stave off the loneliness and anxiety that taking on this role implies? How do you accept your powerlessness against the universe's desire to keep you an observer?