Why do I still crave something that destroyed me?

Currently in my room thinking about the things that led me to have ptsd. Thinking about that time I met a person who I liked but he didn’t really like me, just used me but in that moment with all of those things that I was dealing with I felt “seen”. I knew he was taking advantage of me in a way but I didn’t care because I just wanted something that would take my mind away from reality. He ended up ghosting me and that led to more triggering things but I think I miss that moment we had, cause I was genuine to him, but I guess it was just a one-sided soul tie. I miss him and I just want us to talk or just have a conversation for why he did me the way he did. Idk it’s hard to move on.