Where did I go wrong?

Today my coworker walked into work wearing a nice purple shirt and black business pants. I asked him in front of my boss "why the dress up" and he responded "oh I'm presenting for our department today". I usuallly don't care for work related things and would prefer staying out of the spotlight but this hit different today.

You see, a few months ago I was their star worker - I pretty much was adored by them so much I got away with what feels like everything for 2 straight years. And then bam they gave me a PIP (performance improvement plan) over 50 days ago. Not sure why but I think it was a legitimate PIP as I'm still here 50 days later and it's about to expire in 10 days. Who knows. But our team consists of 4 people and two of our managers and then two analysts. I used to be the one doing the presentations and projects while my coworker always got the shit end of the stick. Now roles are reversed.

I was okay with it for awhile honestly, even after the PIP because I already started applying to new jobs and I didn't want to work here anymore.

But today seeing my coworker walk in with his nice purple shirt ready to present I started wondering while my boss applauded him "where did I go wrong"

Not just in this job but in every category

I'm going to be brutally honest here with you guys

I'm a 26F currently in love with a 19M - we met 3 months ago and started doing long distance since he's on the east coast and I'm on the west coast
He plans to move back to his home in Saudi Arabia in a few weeks as he's done with his time in America for his studies
We met up in person and yeah it was fireworks

Then after the 90 days he tells me yesterday that he "misses the feeling of missing me" at first it felt nice until I realized later he was essentially asking for space.

I didn't understand how he went from "I want you to know even when I move back to Saudi I plan to talk to you even more than now" to "I really miss the feeling of missing you" other than the fact he wasn't actually in love with me -- he was infatuated.

I decided to take space and give him what he wanted, focus my energy back on myself even though as I type this I am shattered internally.

So yeah today when my coworker walked into work with his purple shirt on I wondered how did I get here? How did I go from star pupil to whatever the heck I am now? How did I fall with a freaking 19 year old who won't even live in America permanently? What is wrong with me falling in love with a 19 year old?

I guess I'm really disappointed in myself because 100 days ago I was losing weight, doing good at work, and life felt balanced -- but now everything feels like it's all just fell.

I know what I have to do I have to put the energy back into myself -- but I am struggling to as I believe I am heartbroken.

We haven't broken up yet but this is the longest we haven't spoken and I just know in my guts our next call if it even happens is going to end with a breakup

I just end up caring too much about things beyond my control way more versus myself.