Venting but also seeking affirmation (stepmother situation)

I’m 49 and have a stepmother who’s 75ish. She married my dad when I was in my 20s and he and I were estranged. I reconnected with my dad about 10 years later and she hated me (long story), but we were civil. 5 years later he got ALS and I traveled to them quarterly (600 miles) to give him some company and her a small break. 4 years later he died 2014). Since then, we weren’t close but we were family-ish. She’s been to visit me twice and I’ve visited her maybe 6 times. We talked on the phone several times a year - always a chore for me, very one-sided for at least an hour - and exchanged birthday and Christmas presents via mail (my husband and I don’t otherwise celebrate with gifts). This year I’ve been avoiding making the calls and have asked her to not send us presents (using the excuse she recently moved and she shouldn’t stress over us). We’ll be in Europe over Christmas (same week as her birthday). I feel guilty because I know she wants me to call her (she doesn’t initiate a call, just texts to ask me to call) and that she takes giving & receiving presents VERY seriously. But at the same time I really don’t like the side of her I’ve seen after my dad died, I can’t imagine traveling to see her again, and I’d rather not talk to her again. But I dislike the idea of her hating me again. But live is too short to even waste time thinking about someone who I don’t care about and who maybe never stopped hating me. Maybe she was just acting like a good stepmother because I was an orphan while I was acting like a good stepdaughter because she was a widow?

Note 1: She inherited money from my dad and her parents, so she’s fine financially.

Note 2: She is very close to her son, her sisters, and her grandchildren, so she’s fine socially. If my husband and I are in town we are not invited over for weekly family game night.

Note 3: When my dad and I got back in touch I said something about him visiting me in college with a woman. Unbeknownst to me they were exclusive then and he was cheating. She was pissed so my dad told her I lied due to jealousy (why she hated me).

Thank you for listening!!!