Until it's you

So many things you think as you navigate your life. How could someone ever harm themselves? Not take care of their children? Go down rabbit holes on the Internet instead of having a life? Become overweight? Do drugs.. Not shower for a month.. Until it's you. Things can literally change in the blink of an eye. Life is so beautiful, yet so tragic. And to make matters worse, we live in a world where everyone wants the opposite of what they have. Our natural instinct is to not be grateful. To want more. Or want different. We have to train ourselves into gratitude. Or learn it from someone else. Whites go tanning while browns bleach their skin. Long haired woman chop it because it's too much to deal with. Short haired women wish theirs would grow. Bigger ppl trying to lose weight. Smaller ppl getting butt surgery. Ppl with kids want freedom. Childless ppl want a family. Single ppl want love. Taken ppl want the free life. Active fathers get a hard time. Absent fathers are being begged to come around. This world we live in. So beautiful. So eventful. The memories, good times. The potential. But in exchange, the hardships, the tragedies, the sorrow, the pain. The good times aren't guaranteed, but the bad times are. Life isn't guaranteed. The length, the love, etc. But Death is. I say all of this to say I know both sides of things. I had a great life. Filled with hardships, but resilience blossomed through the concrete. But I am only human. I have my breaking point. I hit mine 6 months ago. Simply still here out of fear. Mentally and physically able, just defeated and my mental is too fixated on the negative. Moving forward knowing that everything can change in the blink of an eye seems insulting now. Everything just feels like a gamble now.