Unhealed trauma

I have been a part of a very abusive relationship for 10 years from the age of 17 ,where the person was a drug addict, into criminal activities. I got into such a relation without knowing all this. As the years passed i got to know which black hole I have gotten into. I gave into all his demands, making a mess of my life. Every sort of physical, mental and emotional stress he has given me. Any way I had the courage to get out of that hell , after 8 years I did show the courage, but it took 2 more years to get him out completely . I messed up, i feel so mentally exhausted. It's been 4 years since I got out of that hell, but i don't know why am I so scared . I haven't been in any relationship post that. I can't take any decision of my life , if I try il ghost the person. Im terrified of anything bad happening to me and if something happens, it will all go out of control. What's happening to me? I have good family, have loved ones around me. My parents have given me a very loving and secure life, but this aspect of my life has ruined me. That man has put me through such situations i would have ended my life, but of course, i never even tried it and don't intend to. My mind is very disturbed and I'm not understanding anything. I haven't been able to make a career, or take any decision about my life. Im too messed up. Do give me some viewpoint about this.