The sunset is beautiful...

We broke up because of me. I am a total mess and I always thought that I have to fix myself first 'coz I don't deserve him. I had no other choice, it'll be unfair keeping him. I want him to live his life to the fullest and he can never do that beside me that's why I had to let him go. But if you're going to ask me, he's the only man I have imagined growing old with. He's the only man I have genuinely loved. Months after we broke up, he posted "sana pwede pa, kung pwede na". I was really happy back then because a part of me had been wanting for him to wait for me. We totally cut ties but I have been watching him from afar. 2 years passed, he's still single, to my knowledge. He never posted any girl, not until his proposal. I didn't shed a tear, I have no right. I have been trying my best to distract myself from thinking of him getting married. I should be happy for him because he already found the love that he deserves. But I have this suffocating feeling that I couldn't explain. What is this that I am feeling?