4 weeks ago
21
Hi everyone, hope you're all doing well today :)
Today, I felt compelled to find a place to talk to others about life––the one we currently lead, the one(s) we miss, and the one(s) we haven't gotten to yet. I wonder if other people feel the same way, and if you plan to take any particular courses of action going forward. Just as a short intro, I'm 24 years old, graduated college in May 2022, and am currently working in corporate as an assistant marketing coordinator.
I know that I'm still young and that there is so much life left to live (well, hopefully—I don't want to take it for granted), but I can't help but feel like what I'm doing now can't be what I'll be doing for the next 60+ years of my life. To be clear, I am still incredibly thankful for what I do have as I know there are many people who are struggling to make ends meet. I consider myself very fortunate for the life that I've lived and the support and love that I've received from all those around me. But I also feel that I owe it to myself to do more than simply keeping my head down and settling for an unfulfilling lifestyle. It's not that I hate my job—in fact, as things come, the work is pretty interesting, the company culture is not bad, and my team is full of kind, collaborative, and hardworking people—, but it always feels like something is missing... (I do hate the interviewing and the job search process in general though, especially with the current market. :'))
When I first started working, I was so hyper-focused on trying to do well and be successful that I started to neglect the things that are important. Fortunately, I never forgot to spend time with friends and family, but I did forget to designate time for myself and my hobbies. I've always been a creative person who made sure to have room in my life for art, music, etc., even when I was busy. But the eight hours at work (and often more) everyday was so draining that I felt like I didn't have the energy to use my brain for anything other than doom scrolling and watching shows. I tried to build a more rigid schedule for myself to help mitigate this: wake up, get ready, morning matcha/coffee, work, lunch, finish work, gym, go home, dinner, shower, and then free time for creative work or self-care. But instead of feeling like I was optimizing my time to get everything done, it started to feel really monotonous—like I was stuck in a cycle or a simulation. Soon, my creative work time was replaced by bed-rotting and staring at a screen once again.
In a way, I think I was trying to escape from the cycle by watching other people lead happy, fulfilling lives and find success in things that brought them genuine joy. Though I know social media can often be fake as well, watching other people be happy online made me happy. But it also made me feel a longing for something that reignites my passion and brings me the same amount of joy. I found myself wanting for the time and the pure, unapologetic fun that I used to have as a child. Even in college, plans could be spontaneous instead of being scheduled months in advance, hobbies could be done at any point throughout the day, and true and honest or just plain silly conversations were a dime a dozen. When the time truly living took precedent over work.
One day I found myself really starting to think about my life and what I wanted to do. Why was working in the corporate world—something that literally millions of people do—so unfulfilling? Especially when some of my friends, my brother, parents, and cousins seem to have found their niche and excel at their jobs. Sure, I can tolerate it and probably do pretty well if I continue to just push through, but how much would that be worth? I want more. I can picture myself accomplishing more—reaching for my dreams and my passions instead of being scared and complacent with the "normal" path that I'm expected to take. And when I watch the people out there who've shared their success stories and the unconventional paths that brought them where they are now, I find myself wanting even more.
I miss living to live instead of working to live. And simultaneously, I long for the ability to turn something that I love and live for into my work. For me, that would mean starting a small business around sharing my art (i.e. designing stickers, prints, stationary, washi tapes, etc.). I remember the first time I'd said I'd wanted to be an artist... I don't remember the exact age but it was inn my early elementary school years. And it was also immediately shot down by my brother. Of course he meant it as a joke, but it was rhetoric that'd I'd heard before and continued to hear as I got older. The starving artist/musician trope. And being an impressionable little girl, I was convinced from then on that it'd be nearly impossible.
Sometimes, I wish I was brave enough to admit that this was what I wanted earlier so I could get a head start on it while I was still in school and had more time to figure things out. But, I can't turn back time, nor do I like to dwell on what could've been. And now, as much as I'd like to quit my job and fully dedicate myself to pursuing my passion, I know that I'd need to have some form of income while I build a foundation for my small business and also just to... you know... survive. But I guess this is me trying to say that I'm going be more intentional with pursuing this goal moving forward. I'm going to give it a shot, because I'm tired of settling. I'm going to try my hardest to make the life that I envision for myself because 60 years from now, I don't want to think about the "what-ifs."
Are any other people dealing with the same feelings/thoughts? And if so, what is the life that you envision for yourself? What is your passion project that you'd love to be able to do for a living? What makes you feel most fulfilled?
Thanks for reading and I wish the best of luck to everyone! ^-^
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