Should I put my own belief aside for what is likely the greater good?

For the past couple of years because of instability, uncertainty and fear of what is to come I have put my dreams off. I decided that I would live a somewhat normal life. While I would talk about my research and projects I would do it very subtly.

However for the last 7 years I’ve been lurking down the road I know I’ll need to take to accomplish those very same goals I put off. I hate how cringy it sounds, but some part of me thinks my number one purpose is this. I love, and hate how this has become my purpose.

The reason I have fear of pursuing my dreams further is because I think it will be used for bad. I have dreams of that happening, and what destruction it will be capable of. I even have dreams of what’s to come once I reveal what I know. The aftermath.

Life can be so uncertain, and if I died everything I’ve researched and come to find out will be gone. I thought about making a video that will release in 2030 of my projects and research I’ve been working on. That’s unless I am alive and stop the video from releasing, but that’s a contingency I thought of. I would like to help humanity even after death.

I am starting to realize that maybe I don’t really have a choice in what happens next in my life. That’s because even by me not making a choice that is a choice in itself.

I’m not sure what think, or what to do besides what I believe I already will, and have to do. When I’ve detailed my research and projects to others they tell me I should reveal it, and how much it could help people. Although the fear holds me back; the feeling that this will all be my fault. All I want to do is to do good. Is to help people, but sometimes I wonder if I’m doing this for other, or am I doing it for myself.

For a couple years I actually put off my transition because I feared it would hinder my dreams. I think it still will, and even more so now. if I try achieving my dreams I will likely become politicized. I could loose friends and family if that happens. I could end up worse than I ended up.

Is anything here a real choice? Is this some false dilemma?