1 day ago
5
I’m 44. Professionally doing well but otherwise my life has been a dud. No relationship for over a decade. Never been married. Struggled with alcohol. I’m better since a couple of years and am in therapy, but still overall, I mean I just never liked the whole thing all that much. I just don’t enjoy it.
I think she must know, at some level. She asked me over the holidays about my always being on my own. I felt defensive, though now I feel more guilty than anything. My one job in life was to be happy and I’ve largely failed. And that has robbed her of a lot of happiness too.
I just don’t know if I should try to have that conversation with her, to the extent that I could even manage it. Isn’t it one of the worst things a child can say to their parent, in the end? Would it be selfish of me, I would feel better for confessing this but burden her at the same time?
Anyway. What a whole waste of worry it’s all been.
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