Need to confess about a messed up life

Hello everyone! Let me introduce myself, my name is Ev, I'm 18. For a bit of background, I'm disabled as a result of a stroke and this is the first time I confess in a forum, but I've really needed it lately.

To provide some context, I have quite a few concerns, whatever it's familial, personal or professional.

For a start, it's barely been 1/2 weeks since my grandmother, to whom I was very attached, passed away, so I don't think I'm in mourning yet. I still miss her.

Then my stepfather and mother are getting divorced. The atmosphere at home is horrible. My stepfather is bipolar and has a kind of rage/aggressiveness about him. He once hit my sister and me violently (of course, he never once apologized) and often belittled us. I hate him deeply for everything he's done to us and I could write 10 double-sided pages about it. I'm happy for the divorce, but now he's even more aggressive, vulgar and constantly looking for trouble. In fact, he got into trouble with my mother by going through her phone while we were away, which made my sister cry (on her birthday, by the way). Lately I can even sleep well, I feel unsafe for me and the others.

To change the subject, I've had a girlfriend for 2 years, and I love her very, very much. But, because there's a but, she's moving to Los Angeles in 1-3 years. For a bit of context, I'm French, so that's a 9-hour time difference, with the fact that she's emotionally dependent on me and needs a lot of physical contact, I know it'll hurt her less if we break up just before and she's aware of that too. So I've already got it into my head that it'll be over the day she leaves, so we don't really have a future together. But I'm trying to do as much as I can to enjoy her and have as many memories of her as possible to cherish because I fucking love this girl and she deserves to be loved. I've also had feelings for another girl for 3 years now. No matter how hard I try to contain them behind a concrete wall or whatever, they always end up reappearing. She's a wonderful girl whom I trust with my eyes closed and who's been my best friend and confidante for a very long time, she always manages to put a smile on my face. By the way, she knows that I had feelings for her, but not that I still do. I don't know if it's because things are so messy right now that her feelings are resurfacing, but I guess so.

And finally, as a college student, with all this, my grades are dropping. I'm in BUT, so I'm managing to catch up with all the manual stuff, but it's kind of hard.

There are other problems in my life like my stress attacks, etc. But this is the summary of the ones I have right now. I hope I didn't take you time for nothing and also, excuse me if my english can be bad sometimes, like I said, I'm french.