my father doesn't love me.

I think that my father does not love me. he loves my brother more. i have noticed this all these years. my parents divorced and my brother and i stayed with my dad. when my dad found some broken things or lost some things, he always blamed it on me. he thought i was doing it to spite him. he always called me fat, even though he and my brother are fat. i am the only one who tries to lose weight, but then i always hear that i am a mare and a pig. my dad also always calls me a goat. Once I had to take the cheapest laptop with my own money from my degree so that I could study. the same evening my brother started to resent that he also wanted a laptop and my dad bought him one (he told me that he had no money). the next day my brother broke this laptop and the same day my dad bought him a tablet, which cost more than my laptop. and a couple of months later he bought my brother an expensive and nice laptop. (I walk around with a phone that I bought myself with my own money that I saved up for a year.) and not too long ago one of his kids died that I haven't even seen and after the funeral dad said that if my little brother died too, dad would kill himself. he never thought about me....he never help me, I never heard him support me. he always laughed at what I did, always insulted me...I believe I have trauma because of him calling me bad words all the time. he always threatened to put me in an orphanage. he used to beat me a lot as a child with a cord or a jump rope. when i heard my locker open, i would start screaming and gasping in panic. i had a lot of bruises on my body all the time and nobody cared in kindergarten. I just want to feel that I am loved, I want to feel that I am protected and that I have a good father. he always spends money on my little brother but not on me...now I am 20 years old and I still want to hear that I am his favorite daughter and that he will carry me in his arms. daddy...why.....