Moving away at 23

By all regards, what I’m about to do is stupid and reckless. Irrational and not thought out.

I’m moving away from everything I know, a decent job, schooling and living rent free at 23

I have no set plan, little savings and no degree

Why, you ask. Why would you do such a thing

The answer is simple, I am going to end up dead if I don’t

I’ve lived in my small farm town for all my life, I was also gifted with a severe mental illness that has ruined my life. I’ve gone nowhere here, I keep climbing an ice wall and being shot back down. Being coddled by my family the entire time I barely know how to live as an adult.

All this stress and my illness had lead me to driving myself into a hospital last week because I had a psychotic breakdown and almost took my life. Put on a plethora of different prescriptions and therapy’s and none of them are really working.

Then I went hiking today and it clicked. I’m not going anywhere if I stay here. I’m going to make the same mistakes and have my family to fall back on. I’m going to continue to live in isolation, get worse. And I’m either going to take my life or lose my mind.

My mind is not cut out for this way of living, I can’t just suck it up and get through school and get a degree. I’ve tried and failed twice. I need to put myself into the fire and figure out how to live.