I don't see things getting better.

I have nothing. I hope I sleep forever every night. I have no discipline and I'm pushing 30. I knew I didn't want to live this long. I can't take life serious and I refuse to adapt to the times. I judge everything and everyone especially from post traumatic standpoint. I'm not an asshole but I have been a pushover. I hold grudges and I'm failing completely. My family has had high expectations of me but I never received that much attention from them coming up. I feel like the black sheep and I find it quite a shame that I am still with no purpose. Change is hard. I was a broken child and now I am a broken man. The plight for mercy is overwhelming and overdrawn. I only live to lust after curvy women even though I could never get a woman, not that it's a focus of mine at this time. I've just been cheated and I walk closer to the line of atheism everyday. Everyone is cutthroat yet I'm supposed to not be effected.SMH. I wish Hitman was a real life character and I would be a target of his so this shit can be over already.