Modern day kind of "monasteries" for celibate or disconnected people

Hello,

First of all, I apologize if my story will be very embarassing and too much on the explicit/sexual loser side for this subreddit. If I must go somewhere else, just tell me. I just mindlessly thought that "r/life" was a good place to go, because my question is a little bit general.

So I will soon turn 33, I'm virgin, I've never been in any relationship. I met at a conference a really good woman who I think likes me back, she invited me to go in vacation for her for a week, I think she is very interested. But now I'm seeing that I had a really wrong masturbatory practice for all my life, which definitely leads to some sexual dysfunction, and I'm afraid that this relationship, which was kind of my dream, will fail because of that.

Because of this, I really started having suicidal thoughts. I never cared about getting laid in itself but I always wanted to have a SO and some children. Anyway, after some time, I thought about redirecting myself to something meaningful.

So after this long story of my life, which is a little bit crappy but which I still like, my question is : in the middle ages there were some monasteries or such things for celibate people. I'm wondering if someone has an idea of such places now where you can go, and have a nice social life with people, and also some purpose and meaning in life. Because, I feel like being celibate is always putting a lot of social awkwardness and shame on me. I love my work but I feel that past 30 I cannot connect to the people there, and it will only go worse. I don't want everyone to be celibate, but just somewhat accepting and focused on something else than family and relationships. Many thanks, sorry for the embarassment.