Mental health

(Almost 19 M here) I have been dealing with low self esteem since elementary school. I was always was the less popular one, the weaker one, the shorter one. I was made fun of etc. I also got trauma from being laughed at by teachers and whole class while standing in front of blackboard and answering teacher's tasks. It made me really hate myself for some time. I got mental marks after this. "I am stupid, weak, I suck" always sits at the back of my head. At the beggining of secondary school, motivated by rage I started improving myself. I have been learning, expanding my hobbies and lifting since then, I got in pretty good shape and became kind of strong. I also take care of skin, shower more often and put more thought into haircuts. My physical appearence is great now. I feel confident about it. It is so much easier to look better than it is to have healthy mindset. The issue is I have gotten into upgrading myself so much I forgot about strengtening the character. Sometimes the anxiety is hitting the roof. I stress about every little mistake. I have problems talking with anybody beside my family. I would like to start dating but I think of myself so low that I cannot even imagine a girl loving me. I think that I am so boring even though I have hobbies and things that I like to do. Those negative thoughts are stuck in my head and I can't get rid of them. Because of all of this I cannot pass the driving exam. I failed it 7 times already. Everything is because I can't focus. All those thoughts are hitting like a truck. Last time I was all shaking, I couldn't keep my legs straight. I also deleveloped this obsession with learning and wanting to be smarter than others. I learn, learn and learn and feel guilty for not knowing something (I am still going to school but it's vocational, evening school for adults). I am overthinking everything. All of this is so mentally EXUASTING. I have loving family, cosy home, savings, siblings, I am educated and aiming for a some university. I am in better situation than many other people. Mine problem sometimes seems like it's made up, like it's not real, but it actually effects my life, my being. Thanks if you did read any of this.