Little post

Why is it so hard to be happy ? I have everything I need . Clothes , a roof over my head , family yet I’m still unhappy, is something wrong with me ? . I’m tired of tennis , my phone and makeup . I hate how I look how I treat people and how I am always complaining about something .

I just wanna live life how other people picture it , beautiful and very exciting . Am tired of people telling me there’s a light at the end of the tunnel . It’s been years since I felt joy . I’m tried my best god I really am . I wanna be a good daughter a good older sister but so far am a failure . I suck at school , at band , I gave up on dancing , became insecure about everything.

Honestly I don’t know how long I can take , I wanna make it pass my 17th birthday but it’s hard, I also don’t wanna leave my siblings alone, I know they need me and I don’t wanna make my mom feel guilt or question her self on where she went wrong .

I just wish maybe sometimes god will have some mercy on me ? I prayed to him I begged for him to help me but nothing .