Life changes & that's ok.

I think I'm writing this first post ever to reddit just to be heard. If someone happens to have some good advice or insight that would be amazing but other than that this is just me venting into the abyss.

Life has changed in the last 5 years so drastically for me & I am deeply sadden by a good amount of these changes.

I don't think my childhood was too different from most of those of my generation (millennial), good decent family, parents doing their best to survive & stay together for the kids, friends, etc. There was the occasional "bully" or heartbreak by a girl etc.

I survived all my worse days with the hope that one day life will be _____ (insert fantasy created by watching too much tv & movies).

Fast forward to today.

I built a successful career in tech only to be laid off at the height of my career.

Parents sold childhood home & got divorced, moved out of state. One sister moved out of state & my other siblings are less than an hour away but I probably see them about once a month.

My home church split due to an issue between church leaders & I moved so I'm not involved as much as I used to be.

Not as close to childhood friends like I once was & even lost two due to issues too deep to type out. I'll admit one was mostly my fault & the other was just me getting stabbed in the back.

The best news of all is I'm getting married, she's a great woman. The best thing to ever happen to me. The wedding is later this year & Thank God between severance, tax refunds & family the wedding is being taken care of despite my layoff (it was too late to break contracts & we have some great prices).

But I'm sad.

Sad because I had this idea about having it all at the same time.

My family together. My old friend group together. Being decently employed. My church being together.

Its weird but ironic that I'm embarking on a new chapter of my life & everything that once was is gone.

I've met new friends but the closeness isn't there (at least not yet). Still looking for a new job, may have to pivot fields, the fiance & I are great.

But I'm sad that I miss the things/people that are gone. I never thought I'd get to this stage in life & things would be so different.

It low-key reminds me of Thanos when Gamora asked, what did it cost? & He replied, everything.

To my past life, I miss you. I really do. I always had a feeling things would change, I just didn't know this much. But Thank you so MF much. We had a time. Lessons learned, tears fell, money was made, love was gave & recieved. You made my future possible. I wouldn't change a thing.

To my future life, I'm scared because I know my grandparents & parents are aging. The world is in shambles & seems to get darker day by day. I'm hopeful that somehow God will always see us through the darkness, I just hate that we have to experience it. I'm happy that one day soon, I'll be a great husband & a father. I'll have a new church & new close friends & a good job. I'm content that you will let me end this life knowing I gave it my best & loved as much as I can.

Fun fact, now that I wrote this all out, I don't feel as sad as I felt when i started writing it. I even thought about not posting it but then thought maybe this would help someone.

Trust God & do good. Peace.