Life and scars

Dealing with loneliness, especially after a heartbreak, can be incredibly challenging, especially at 19. In high school, I often felt like an outcast. I kept to myself, had a few acquaintances, but only one true friend who I could rely on. Leading up to my senior year, that friend introduced me to a girl I had a crush on, and for a moment, it felt like my world was brightening. She was the only girl who had shown me any real attention, and I put her on a pedestal, imagining that she might fill the emptiness I had felt for so long.

However, as things unfolded, I realized she didn’t care for me in the way I hoped. The rejection hit hard, leaving me feeling more isolated than before. It was a painful reminder of how vulnerable I had made myself by investing so much in her attention. I had built my self-worth around her interest, and when that crumbled, I was left feeling empty and lost. Coping with loneliness and heartbreak can be tough, especially when unhealthy habits like turning to pornography become a way to escape those feelings. I've realized that relying on porn hasn’t provided the fulfillment I sought; instead, it often leaves me feeling more isolated and disconnected.

Coping with loneliness and heartbreak can be tough, especially when unhealthy habits like turning to pornography become a way to escape those feelings. I've realized that relying on porn hasn’t provided the fulfillment I sought; instead, it often leaves me feeling more isolated and disconnected.

To break this cycle, I’ve started hitting the gym regularly. Exercising not only helps improve my mood but also boosts my confidence and provides a healthy outlet for stress. Physical activity has become a way for me to focus on my own well-being, helping to shift my mindset away from seeking validation externally.

I’ve also been dedicating time to work on my social media presence, which has allowed me to channel my creativity and generate some income. This work has taught me discipline and the importance of building a future for myself, independent of my past experiences and relationships.

To truly overcome this feeling of emptiness and the urge to seek attention from females, it’s essential to shift my focus inward. I want to cultivate a mindset where my happiness isn’t tied to relationships. This involves setting personal goals, pursuing passions, and fostering self-love.

It's okay to acknowledge the pain of past experiences, but I want to reach a point where I’m content with myself—where if someone comes into my life, great, and if not, that’s perfectly fine too. Building a fulfilling life centered around my interests and goals can help diminish the longing for external validation.

Finding ways to connect with myself and others in healthy ways will not only help me cope with loneliness but also empower me to live authentically, regardless of romantic interests. The key is patience and consistent effort in redirecting my focus towards self-improvement and meaningful connections.

Honestly I'm just lost l'm getting ready to go to the army and just a lot on my mind right. All I ask is some opinions and thoughts on my situation.