Just can’t find happiness or any joy in life anymore. It’s seems impossible, honestly does.

I have had some hard family and personal life experiences happen in the last 6 years. 6 years ago My mother died from cancer. Took care of her at the end of her life with my sister. Lost my grandpa a few months later. Then lost my dog to cancer a few months after that. I was a big drinker then. And stayed sober for the end of my mom’s life but got after it after she passed. Then just kind of went stagnant with my life. Drink work travel hang out with my fiancé. Tried to be happy/a good person. Have good career, work in the fire service so can’t complain. But stayed fire fighter for years. Fast forward to 18 months ago. Got hurt on the job. Went on work man’s comp. Had surgery 4 months later. My 12 relationship was ended by my fiancé. I quite drinking 13 months ago to try and figure my shit out. Got back to work. Dad got sick. Took care of him at the end of his life. He died 4 weeks ago. I haven’t been happy for years. And now that I am sober it way fucking worse. Extremely dark thoughts cross my mind all the time. Either I am gonna break and go back to drinking or just end it. Yes I go to therapy, yes I work out. I am in fucking amazing shape. But still just fucking dead in side. All the time. Feel nothing.

My question is. Do other people feel this way? Has Anyone else gotten out of this state? Just want to isolate my self and not be around anyone.