6 hours ago
4
They think you hate them by default. They think what you do is against them at every possible interpretation. It’s the bad one! They are showered with reassurances and support. And it helps them, for a while. ‘It’s what they needed’ they profess grateful you understand and support them. Yet it wears off and that ‘default’ mentality takes over again. Only to crave more love. More reassurances. More evidence to the contrary…
It’s a deep and dark toxin and it can not be beaten! And it is evil! - it is the curse of Morgoth on the soul.
Doomed from childhood to expect and bring darkness and doubt, in to them selves and anyone around them who loves them. By slowly wearing it down with doubt and disrespectful assumptions of malice where there is good and care and warmth. The most sad and tragic of self destructive evils. Insecurity! - self loathing.
“I’m just insecure about these things”
There is no just about it!
You bring darkness and disrespect and hopeless sorrow to those you doubt. Those you require to prove them selves over and over and over. No matter how hard they try. And on to your self. Again and again and again…
Your fragile soul can’t be reached!
It will never be satisfied and confident in what truly means well and admirers you. It will find doubt! It will find disrespectful and hurtful doubt. Striking out like a viper at those who invested all their positivity in you.
Such is the poison we call ‘insecurity’.
“They probably don’t want to talk to me anyways” - You’re judging them!
“They probably don’t care for me to reply or wave back” - You’re hurting them! (And reinforcing any ‘insecurities’ they might have)
“They’re just saying that to be superficially nice” - You’re building an impenetrable wall of No True Scotsman to self reinforce your toxin.
Etc…
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