I was a horrible person

Yeah like what the title says , i’ve done horrific actions in the past , and used to be a bad person , and all of this when i was in my teens , when i got into my tweenties rn , i tried to make amends and apologize and certain ppl didn’t for forgive me , and im just tired of ruminating about my mistakes and my horrible version , and im literally tired of carrying this guilt with me and i literally don’t know what to do , i’ve changed so much , i became a better person , but i feel like no matter where i go , i will always be a horrible person that doesn’t deserve forgivness , and lately i’ve been thinking about ending my own life because guilt is destroying from piece to piece and i literally cry every night .

I know that i deserve to suffer like this but im just a human and i want a way of redemption and atonement cuz i got tired .

Give me honest advices