3 hours ago
3
i'm 25F with a bachelor's degree in business. Since I graduated college in 2022, I have applied to more than 4,000 jobs and have been stuck in service work and temp admin positions. I've been in panic survival mode for an entire year trying to obtain W2 employment in another state.
I applied for, went 5 rounds and an IQ test for a $20 entry level operations position, in a city across the country i want to live in, with a tech company that actually really aligned with my interests. Everything aligned, even the job title. The entire process took 7 weeks. I got the offer. I was ecstatic. Of the 4,000 applications I've done, I can think of 5-10 companies I would actually love to have on my resume. This was one of them. I did everything right, I finagled that I was moving there, I got the PO box, I did EVERYTHING YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN GETTING A JOB OUT OF STATE.
I signed the offer on February 28th. Did not get the background check to sign until March 3rd or so. The background check was supposed to be done 7 days before my start date. It was not. I inquired daily, adamant that I would not move across the country without the background check clearing, given I have had multiple offers rescinded before at this stage and the company itself was in the news for laying off 20% of its workforce 2023-2024 and rescinded a hundred jobs. My faith in this was dwindling by the day and with each day it was delayed.
It took over 2 weeks for the background check to clear, and on the Wednesday before my Monday start date, Sterling asked for W2s. Given the company's recent news and the background check taking this long, I had to read between the tea leaves and my logic was telling me I didn't get the job. I've been burned before. I was panicking that this was headed in the wrong direction. At this point I still haven't bought the flight, but I'd been searching for over a week to no avail on the Facebook on groups for roommates and temporary housing. I was horrified that I would fly all the way down and they would rescind the job after I started, or I'd be fired within a few months anyway given the volatility of the company.
On Thursday night, they FINALLY told me I was cleared to start Monday. On Friday, they told me my laptop would be arriving that night or Sat morning. I was not in the state. My PO box wasn't open on Sundays when I was supposed to be there, so I had to negotiate getting it early on Monday but late (I'd be missing the first hour of onboarding). So they were about to find out that I didn’t have a permanent address still. At this point I'd already been panicking for days, sick to my stomach and having hot flashes from the stress and situation I was in.
In the end, I packed and bought my flight, and I didn't get on the plane. I sent a withdrawing email because I assumed they were going to rescind anyways (I had already red flagged them telling them I wasn't going to be able to pick up the laptop in time).
The regret and shame I feel right now is enormous.
I felt like I was dealt a nearly impossible hand, after a year unemployed I get hired by a company in a city I want to be in who uses a background check that takes more than two weeks (of the offers I've had before, no other background check has taken this long). It feels cruel. I used logic with what's happened to me before and this time my logic was wrong. I did everything right except get on the plane and live in a hotel for a week. Why didn't I do it? What the fuck is wrong with me? i have a degree i have not used in 3 years - I majorly fucked up. I could've been living a completely different life today. I'm desperate to leave my state.
3 years, 4,000 applications, and finally and out-of-state offer for $20. I WANTED THE JOB!!!
How do I get over this regret? Interviews are so few and far in between, the scarcity of entry level roles has left me in a complete panic. Even my dad was crying with me last night over how devastating this is. I'll always have to live with the what-ifs. I feel like I ruined my life and this is a major life regret I can't live with. I don't know what possessed me on Sunday. I had a way out and I let it slip through my fingers. The people I'm not going to meet now. The job I'm not going to get in the future because I didn't take this job. The domino effect is devastating and only I truly know how badly I needed this break.
I'm worried Im never getting another job again entry level with my degree. I'm worried it could be 6 months before I get another interview. I'm worried I blew my last ticket out of my state and my parent's house. I fucked up so bad, this was worth being homeless for in another state if I had to.
I've had multiple jobs rescinded before and because this job took so long with the background check I (incorrectly) read between the lines that this job was being rescinded too. It walked and talked like a job being rescinded and the company was in the media for laying off over 1,400 people the past year AND rescinding a hundred jobs
I was going to be homeless living in a hotel for 2-3 weeks and I have never moved across the country before, I had no housing, no contacts over there, no network and no support
The time crunch they put me under because they thought I was already living there
It's my fault
i’m having heartbroken chest pains I'm at the end of my rope
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