I really want to change my life

I have no direction in life and i am wasting my potential. It feels like i had some potential back then but i wasted it. But perhaps its not to late. Its hard to be positive about it. There is the Pessimistic grounded side that's telling me its to late and that even if i change, id still be behind and not as good as i could have done and then there is the optimistic side that sees the possibilitys and tells me to fuck the past and circumstances and that is not to late to change. Im feeling torn and very paralyzed. It feels like every time i try some force is trying to hold back. I fell like its a mix of, doubt uncertainty, anexiety and limiting beliefs. If i get the impulse i suddenly get back imidiatly into old habits, perhaps even harder than usual. But im beyond sick of it.

I also whitnessed first hand how such a mindset impacts a Person. In that case my Father. He has entirely given up on himself. He constantly says things like "I don't dont a future or if things continue like this im wont be here anymore" when i ask him how he wants to keep going whiteout a job. To me hes general quite detached and lowkey necelectful. He dosent have a job and recives money from the government. He could work aswell but doesn't want to and jokes about how the government will handle it. He expects my Mom how has custody,to handle things and 90% of the time dosent takes real responsibility for anything. He asks if he can help but when you're taking help he kind of tries to guilt trip mel later one. Oh and try to talk about changing and expanding your horizons, there is no and i mean No real will to do that. "Its too late to start school again" "Its too late to change", " I wasted my life". He had harsh circumstances and I haven't made the same experience. I understand that it gives you a specific mindset and that this is hard but im done with his sorry for saying that bullshit additued that everything is over.

I kind of fear I will become just like him or well I don't have to fear that because i basically are already having a lot of characteristics of him. It makes me sick.But i know my feelings of self pity and anger dont change my situation. Its the way it is. I just want to do better and prove to myself and others that its not to late. That despite not reaching anything yet or achieving it later dosent make it impossible to reach at all.

I just have no real idea how to start. I see all those Tips and guids online but I don't know what options and fuides to choose. Yeah no idea what else to say, any advice or similar storys?