I'm tired

It's 4:15, I have been wake up for almost 24 hours, but I can't sleep, my mind would not let me.

I have a great life, amazing friends (better than I deserve), a great job, good parents and I really enjoy my life. I'm happy 90% of the time, but at the moment I start to think how lonely I feel everything tears apart, no matter what I'm doing or if I'm having one of the best time of my life. I'm 28 and I have never had a girlfriend, I got rejected every single time.

10 years ago I felt in love with my best friend at that time, it happened so quickly and I knew I have no chances with her but still hurt, anyway I pulled myself together, and I started talking with another women. All of them rejected me but none hurt like the first one because I wasn't in love with neither of them but each time, it was a blow to my self-esteem.

3 years ago, I felt in love with one of my best friends and again I got rejected, we keep as friends because I really appreciate her friendship but one one month ago she started a relationship and I got destroyed because for years I created the idea in my mind that we would end up together one way or another. I know it's all my fault, I don't blame her but it still hurt too much. What's hurt the most is knowing that there is a person who makes her laugh more than me, in whom she trusts more, in whom she has more of those intimate moments beyond sex...

I see my friends and when they like a girl, they go for her and they get her but not me, I don't know what's wrong with me and I'm tired and I know tomorrow I will be fine again until I start thinking again...