i lost my spark ever since im a kid and i want to get it back but i dont know how (F16)

I don't know, i feel like I'm wasting my youth. all teens my age are going out with their friendgroup, but I don't like to socialise. But that's not it, i feel like i always live my life on auto pilot and just watch everyone go forward without me while im just watching them. i feel like im just a bystander in my own life. I feel like that's because i lack of social skill too, but that's because i don't like it. But i wish i like it, i wish im normal. i do have friends, but i pretend to nap at school just to not talk with them much. How to make your life even better? how to actually live? and im not even focusing in my studying much but if i do it's gonna be even worse and I'm scared, because i can only be 16 once.