When will my pain go away

I've tried to make amends to the ones i hurt. No one still will accept that I've changed that im different than who i use to be..what will it take for me to get back any that i lost? I've put my self through years of therapy. When will i ever be enough? When will i ever be able to truly feel whole again? Through out these 3 years all I've been is rejected by everyone o truly love. I've asked God over n over to forgive me fory actions. To bring back to me what i lost. I thought in my heart and soul that by now I'd be forgiven.That my life would be somewhat different but it's not.No matter what i do it doesn't even matter anymore. Another year of no family get togethers, another year of what more rejection? They say in recovery you'll get back what was lost...THATS NOT TRUE WELL MOT WITH ME..ALL THE TJOUGHTS OF WONDERING, GUESSING, SECOND GUESSING. GOD IF YOU HEAR ME I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE... ITS BEEN SO LONG ALREADY...I JUST CANT KEEP FEELING THIS WAY. ITS KILLING ME LITERALLY....I PRAY M PRAY AND STILL NOTHING NOTA SQUAT ZILCH.....