I feel like I’m not a good enough friend or family member.

I guess my problem is I don’t keep track of other people’s lives very well. Where they work, how they are physically and mentally, people or pets that they’ve lost. I’m self-absorbed in this way, almost like I only have so much care and attention to give and most of it goes to me, my mom and my girlfriend. Everyone else gets the scraps.

I saw someone on here talking about how when shit hits the fan, it’s the people you least expect showing up to help, and not the people you’d actually expect something from. I don’t want to be that person who doesn’t show up for my friends. It’s like they have to remind me in our small talk things that are happening in their lives, and I go through a moment of recognition that I can’t really hide. If I were incapable of lying I’d say, “Oh yeah, you’re getting married. I’m in the bachelor party. You’re my buddy who I grill and drink with every Saturday, a member of my inner circle, and one of the biggest moments of your life is an afterthought in mine.” Are other people like this? I’m an empathetic person usually, and I’m always available to help but mostly only when I’m asked.

I’d like to be a warmer person for my folks. There for them, remembering their stuff, reaching out and kind of showing initiative to be more involved. To some people I think this comes naturally. I don’t know, if you guys have advice or if you relate I’d be glad to hear it.