I feel like giving up

I’m 26f. I am currently 215 lbs at 5’5. (I already know I’m morbidly obese). Last year I gained 60 lbs due to laziness + mental health issues + a toxic relationship. I’m a little over 90 days post break up and have managed to lose 19 lbs. (starting weight was 234 lbs.)

I suffer from adhd, pmdd, impulse control issues, and binge eating disorder.

Today I had so many triggers I just want to cry.

Due to me going through a hard time last year I stopped taking care of myself. Today I went to get a haircut (it’s been over a year) and my hair was so damaged that I had to cut a lot of it off. When I finished the cut I got box braids and felt a little better and cute. When I FaceTimed my mom she proceeded to tell me that she didn’t like my hair…I’m not mad at her for stating her opinion, it’s just that I was already down.

She then made fun of my body and kept calling me “thick-fil-a” because of how big I got.

I’m not blaming her but all of this triggered me and I binged. For the first time in like three months. I had so much food that I’m now constipated (sorry if that’s tmi)

I know that weight loss is for the long run and I have to learn how to manage these emotions (I’m in therapy) but today just kicked me down. I feel so bad and broken that I am this big, my hair is so short now, and I inhaled soooo much food.

I’m currently in my bed crying trying to talk myself down out of doing something stupid and self harming.

I love my mom so much and she’s such an amazing mom, but I wish she knew how much she hurts me with the things she says. I tried talking to her and she did apologize. But still…it just hurts so bad.

I am literally trying my hardest every single day to be a better person. But today I just can’t. I can’t do it anymore. I just want to sleep and not think about anyone, even myself.