I feel like a hostage of being alive.

I never asked to be here and If I had it my way I never would have been.

I am short, ugly, have disfigurements on my face and am going bald at 32.

Ive had mental issues my whole life. 20+ years of psychiatrists, therapy, self help books and podcasts have not helped.

I have no skills or talents, I have learning disabilities and memory issues that makes it hard for me to learn anything. I am often outstripped in things that I have been practicing for years by people who picked it up just recently.

I am forced to live in this eroding society where empathy is seen as a sin and taking advantage of people is seen as a smart business move.

I am forced to live in a society with forever shifting goalposts, I dont think Ill ever be able to afford any property.

The only thing I had going for me was my fitness, I used to be so active and healthy but lately in the last year chronic pain in my body has preventing me from moving like I used to and I am still young.. So the one thing I was proud of and was able to achieve is slipping away from me.

I dont see the point in carrying on. I dont see how things will ever get better. I wish I could just disappear myself from this life.