I feel insane

I actually feel insane. The thoughts I have in my head, I wouldn’t even give to my worst enemies. I’m female 22 (adhd) and in literally graduating college tomorrow. This year has been a shit show for me and I’ve done some stuff that I can’t stop feeling guilty about or ashamed and embarrassed. I hurt some people. Made mistakes that go against my morals and I just haven’t been able to get ride of the guilt. I tell myself everyday that I’ll finally move on but I just get reminded of everything I did wrong this year. I know the stuff I did people have completely forgotten about them but I can’t get ride of the thoughts and the emotions. I so badly want to show the world and the people I hurt that I’ve changed and acknowledged my actions but I know I don’t need their validations to move on and to know I’m a good person.

The guilt is just consuming me right now that I don’t even think I deserve to graduate. Like that’s so crazy to think that because I do deserve this but my brain won’t allow me. I haven’t even been letting myself hang out with people because I’m kinda traumatized and I don’t think I deserve to hang out with them. I’ve also haven’t been eating a lot due to punishing myself. Just over all I’ve been terrible to myself and I can’t seem to shake it.

Idk if anyone can give me help or if anyone can relate. I’m going to try to get professional help but ya..idk I just hate myself and I hate admitting that