I don't know what to do

I don't know where to start. I never share my life publicly but it has come to a point where I can't keep it in .I am in a state where nothing makes me happy, everything feels like a disappointment, everyone feels like a disappointment. I'm trying my best to be better but sometimes I just get hit by these emotions and I deteriorate. I can't stand to see my parents, especially my mum struggling to work so we can earn extra even with all the health issues. I really don't know where I am going or what to do. Being optimistic is the only choice I have been left with but sometimes that too is nothing but just a word for me. Thank you for reading this. I don't really want to be sympathized. I just want to be listened to.