I don’t feel like a man

I grew up with a father figure, a great one who'd give his life for mine yet I don't feel any thing like a man. I feel lazy, I lack discipline and I only ever do things I've been told. I work out for a few weeks then lose all drive to continue even though getting a better physique is something I really want. The same can be said about my passion for art I at one point could draw things so easily but lost those skills over time as I didn't keep my skills sharp. All my life l've always said "I don't know" and I feel like those 3 words sum up my life. I. Don't. Know. Maybe l'm a late bloomer as far as feeling masculine, maybe it comes with time. I'm only 17 and I know my brain isn't fully developed yet. I also know that certain things can affect my testosterone levels like my diet and sleep but does that affect the overall feeling of feeling masculine? My dad wants me someday to have a kid/kids that he can call his grandchildren but how could I be a good example for them when I don't even feel like a man? How can I provide and give my wife and children the clarity that they're safe and have someone to see as a leader when I feel weak? Every time my dad gives me advice 95 percent of the time he turns out to be right. Every time he's told me no one would hurt me l knew it was true. I don't know what I want to do with life it feels like there's something just out of my reach that'll solve it all, maybe give me an answer or some clarity atleast. I always feel tense in the moment no matter where I am, like I can't really let my guard down because I haven't earned it and even feel I don't deserve to rest when so much needs to be done. I'm thankful for everything my dad sacrificed for my family and especially for me but I feel like I'm letting him down and I just want him to have that peace when he passes, knowing his son at the least made something of himself.

(My fault this was more venting than it was a question)