I am proud of myself

I needed to say this because I need to tell the world. I am so, so beyond proud of myself.

I'm 25 years old and I'm going into 2025 healed and happy. I'm going into 2025 ready to finally make my life about me and me only. I have been so consumed through all of my life by everyone else's problems, allowing them to dump it on me, blame me for things, be their punching bag and I accepted it because I knew what it felt like to carry pain and even though their pain piled onto mine, I wanted at least one person to feel even a little better.

And now, I cut them off. I feel so free and like I'm in the clouds. I couldn't have done this last year. If you wanted to blame me for something horrible in your life, I'd take the beating and the blame but now I'd say it's not my fault nor my problem. I have been in pain since I was 7 years old. I tried to off myself, I blamed myself for years and years and years for what my father did to me behind closed doors. I let myself bleed because I thought I deserved it. I thought I was disgusting, I hated my body and I blamed myself for what men did to me. I wanted to be gone. The only thing that made me happy was the thought of never having to live past 18. I'm now almost 26 and I am so happy. Life actually feels so good.

Not a single person helped me, not one. I went through everything alone and had a mother who was so emotionally absent, I spent my life begging for her love and attention and I always got beat down. My sisters only ever came to me when they had problems and when my mother told me they were young too and needed to heal, I thought about how in all of my pain, I still held my baby brother in my arms when he would cry about what my mother did to him.

I finally love myself. I had a dream the other day that made me realize I'm not being left behind, I'm moving on. It took me years and I spent it all alone by oh my god, does it feel good to have a year to look forward to. I've never in my life been excited about another year of life.

I pray you all get everything your heart desires. I pray you are always happy because life really is just too short.

As bugs bunny once said, never take life too seriously, you'll never make it out alive.